Family reunions: finding a date for every generation

Getting the whole family together is a puzzle that grows with every generation: some people's work schedules, others' shared custody arrangements, grandparents who no longer drive at night, cousins who live three hours away. So the family get-together happens "when we can," which means rarely. Here's a way to pick a date that works for the most people without stepping on toes.

Identify the must-have people

Before you propose a single date, ask who this gathering is for. Grandma's 80th birthday? Then her availability, and that of whoever drives her, comes before everything else. A cousins' reunion? Families with young kids usually have the least flexibility, so start from their constraints.

• List the 3 to 5 people without whom the event loses its point.
• Check with them privately before sending the poll to everyone.
• Only offer dates that work for them.

Account for shared custody

In many families, kids alternate between two homes every other week or on another schedule. If you want the grandkids at the table, ask the parents involved which weekends they have the children before you set your options. It's a sensitive question: ask privately, simply, without asking for explanations.

Choose the right time slot

For a multi-generation gathering, a Sunday brunch or lunch often works better than dinner: older relatives avoid driving at night, young kids aren't overtired, and people coming from far away head home before dark. Give a specific slot in the poll, for example 11:30 a.m. – 3 p.m., so everyone knows what they're signing up for.

Make it easy for older relatives

Some family members are less comfortable with technology. A few precautions:

1. A tool with no account or app: a simple link that opens on a phone or computer.
2. Few options: three or four dates, not ten.
3. A printed QR code for those who prefer paper: they just point their phone camera at it.
4. A helper: a grandchild can answer for their grandparents by entering their names.

Settle the place and logistics

In the description, say who's hosting or where, and what kind of meal it is. A potluck lightens the host's load; ask everyone to say in the comments what they're bringing so you don't end up with five pasta salads. If the family is large, a community hall or a park with a shelter can replace a house that's too small: book it as soon as the date is set.

Grandma Thérèse's 80th! Potluck brunch at Sylvie's in Trois-Rivières, 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. Please add your availability by Sunday and tell us in the comments what you'd like to bring.

Announce the date warmly

When a date comes out on top, pick it to close the poll, then send a personal message. Thank the people who can't make it and give them a way to take part: a video call during the meal, a card to sign, a photo to send.

Example: Thérèse's 80th

Sylvie is organizing her mother's 80th. She first checks with her mother and her brother, who drives her, then privately asks her two sisters which weekends they have their kids. She offers four options (Saturday and Sunday lunch on two weekends) to 23 people. Sunday the 9th gets 19 Yes answers. Sylvie closes the poll, posts the date in the family group chat and sets up a video call for the cousin who lives in Alberta.

How Accordate helps

Accordate is a free date poll that works with no account and no app, ideal for a family where not everyone is equally comfortable with technology. Share a link or a QR code, everyone ticks their availability, and the best date is highlighted automatically. Create your poll or read our tips for a successful holiday party.